ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
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