I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
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