I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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