I'm pants shitting drunk right now
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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