did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
