I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
