We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Can I color on your dick again?
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
True strength comes from lack of pants
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
