Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
