possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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