i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
