We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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