I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
