Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
