That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Randomize
