I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
