Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
