Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Randomize
