dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Randomize
