ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Randomize
