Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
