she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Randomize
