I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
