return my video game
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
