Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Randomize
