My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize