3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
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