singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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