I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
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