I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
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It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
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I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I party with great urgency now.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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