No awkward lesbian experiences without me
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
