He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those š
Iām gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a ābrilliantā idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Donāt eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
