I'm lost and stupid without you.
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Randomize
