I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
