He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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