I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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