i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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