It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
