I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
it's like iHOP with fire
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
