I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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