i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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