dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I need to calm my uterus...
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
