Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Randomize
