There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
