i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
