Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
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