dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
