it was like eating out sand paper
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize
