just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
