The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Randomize
