Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize