Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
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