is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Randomize
