I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
