Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
just tell him i said nine months
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
splinters make it hard to masturbate
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
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