Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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