just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need Xanax blowdarts
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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