He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
