You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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