Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
