I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize
