fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
