batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Bang-toberfest begins!!
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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