Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I will be naked everywhere
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I wear drunk well.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
