He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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