Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
