I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
It was confusing and full of hummus
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
When are your genitals available?
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
