Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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