also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Damn victory sex feels great
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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