i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
