Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
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