nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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