dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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