apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Randomize
