is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
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Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
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I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
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