she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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