she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
