my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
